Having a random hookup so left but love u
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize