I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
