I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
