My liver just broke up with me...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
