you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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