dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
