I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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