I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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