I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
