i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
