oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
