And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
