You're so nebulous sometimes
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
