Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
