We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
