a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
