Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
