It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
