Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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