I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
