You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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