haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
