I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
