I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize