so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
