I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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