anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
