I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
