I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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