I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize