please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Congratulations! We have a period
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
