This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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