Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
