Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
