ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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