"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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