Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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