Don't make out with my wife yet
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize