I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
