I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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