Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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