just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize