you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
