the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
