i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
