i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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