I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
