I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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