Jerry, you need to find god
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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