I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
