break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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