Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
