If i come over, it means nothing
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
