Already got asked if we're dating
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
