sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
