We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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