Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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