I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
