I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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