im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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