Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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