I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize