So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
