Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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