dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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