This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
