Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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