Banned from zoo.
Again?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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