Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
