Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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